I was amazed this morning by how a simple question can be posed and make you realize so much. That question was “…are you letting God be your source, or are you relying on another source to provide all your needs?” Without hesitation my reply was of course I’m relying on God as the source of all my needs, but I knew in my heart that was not the case. There is so much I want to do and accomplish in my life and I know that God will provide all my needs, but I also realize that everything I may want for my life is not exactly what God wants for my life. This constant struggle of releasing my will unto Him comes by my uncertainty of what is ahead and how one man can hold that certainty and predestine it already. This may be too much to fathom for me at this point and yet my intentions are to trust and release all that is me to our LORD Jesus Christ. Sometimes, I feel as though God has blessed me with a mind that is unlike any other, I am able to contemplate as a philosopher and spend hours divulging in thought of notions that may be too hard for others to grasp and I begin to see this world in a new light. I see the hurt and despair and untruth in this world as I watch others go about their daily lives, almost as mask that is worn but when that mask is lifted then one can see what I see, however I can relinquish what most feel as to why they keep this shield on. No one wants to see the truth or reality that surrounds our daily walk, but I was always aware of this even when I kept that mask on and paraded in the ungodly pleasures of this world. Knowing the struggles that precede my life and upon reflection of this past year, today I come across a question. This question brings forth shame for I know I may be grieving the heart of God as I write this. Only one thing is certain, sometimes an awakening can only present itself when one is truly transparent with their relationship with God. I know there are struggles that are apparent in my Christian walk, but thank GOD for his grace. I am able to present this to him and ask that my struggles not be the end of my belief, but for a resolution and stronger faith in matters that I see no outlet. I can only hope to live a life that is worthy of the calling God has placed upon my life and through my actions I lead so that others may follow. If at all one is to learn anything through this digression, honesty with oneself must first be realized before true change can take fruition.
Emmanuel_GOD with us
